I love Christmas but I also hate it. I love the festivities, the joy, the lights. I also hate the festivities, joy and lights. Christmas for neurodiverse people such as myself is an interesting time of year. Whilst the idea of giving gifts, engaging in festive activities and doing basically anything that people get up to in December fills me with excitement, it also makes my brain go into overload.
As many of you know, I am Autistic. I like to think I am getting pretty good at coping with change but it happens at such a rapid rate in December that it can become a little too much.
It isn't unheard of for me to go into hyperfocus and rearrange and change the wallpaper in my room at 2am. That has happened a good few times. However, doing this feels like good change. It is a result of my brain trying to process everything new going on in my life. It is my way of restoring order and hitting the reset button.
At Christmas, the whole house gets redecorated with festive decorations. In everyday life, I can't get enough of LED lights. Christmas lights are mesmerising and, in a way, I wish they stayed up all year round. However, at Christmas, I just want them to be taken down. That almost feels backwards, but I'll tell you why...
Rearranging my room at 2am is completely in my control. I choose when to do it, how to do it and how often I do it. Christmas decorations go up at the end of November or the beginning of December every single year. The lights go over things that are usually in the house, but these things have to be moved to make room for Christmas decorations. For instance, it is very rare for the furniture in the living room to remain in the same place as it does throughout the year. Decorations take place of furniture or ornaments. When the lights go down, the tree does too and I'll be honest - I hate Christmas trees! Ok maybe fake trees are alright, but real trees fill me with hatred. Who on earth thought that cutting down a tree and putting it inside with lights wrapped around and colourful balls on it was a good idea? Who, also, decided that this was festive and indicated the start of the Christmas season? It just doesn't make sense! Not to mention the pine leaves dropping all the time and somehow staying around to the point you keep finding them until March. The way the tree attracts spiders and also has that slightly funky smell. I'm just not a fan. When the tree goes down, the lights do too. The tree is usually the last to go. The statues, the reindeer, the ball balls, the presents. When all this is gone, order is restored.
So, whilst I love the ritual of putting up the decorations (except the tree), I like to keep my room a Christmas free zone. No ball balls, tinsel or even Christmas lights. My room stays exactly how it does throughout the year. Why? So I can escape the overwhelming nature of Christmas. It's a fun day but the build-up is just so chaotic. In my room, I can forget it's Christmas for a little while and return to everyday functionality.