I realise that the majority of my posts are about Tourette's and Selective Mutism. However, I do have many other conditions and I feel it is important to talk about those, too. I was asked today about medication, and what it does for me. I thought I would write a post about it because it is something I was adverse to for a long time, but I now realise how much it helped me get through the darkest times.
I was first offered SSRIs at the age of 12. I had left school due to bullying, my anxiety forbade me from leaving the house, and everything felt so overwhelming that I didn't want to face it. I was adverse to medication for 2 years until things got so difficult to manage that I needed an uplift to help me see things as I used to. I was always an extremely motivated child, but at this time of Depression and Anxiety clouding everything, I needed help.
Medication is not a cure. My first point for emphasis is that medication simply exists, in relation to anxiety conditions, to help you help yourself. If I took the stance of "nothing is worth it", "why should I" and "there's no point", I would still very much be in that same place as 14 year old Ally was, today.
I have tried a fair few anti-depressants but the one I am on currently is fluoxetine. I have been on this for 6 years now, and am currently taking a daily dose of 60mg. Fluoxetine, in my personal experience, takes the "edge" off anxiety and thoughts of worthlessness. Whilst it does not cure them, it enables me to reach a stage where I am able to push myself to do the things that I know will help. It enables me to discover my limits, and go beyond them in a way that is safe and manageable.
Prior to medication, leaving the house was a mission in itself. Now that I can do this fairly routinely, I can extend my limits to places I know are scary, but that I will be safe and benefit from. As to how medication assisted in this, I give one answer. Medication re-engaged the connections in my brain that allow me to maintain control and decide for myself what I can and cannot do. It allowed me to teach myself about my limits, how to reach them and how to push them safely. It stabilised my mood so that every day was predictable and I knew that what I could face one day, I can face again another - even if it is more difficult.