I used to be the most talkative child. It didn’t matter if I knew someone or not, I would hold a conversation about anything and go on for ages. I still do that, but now it is only physically possible with those close to me.
At school, I was verbally bullied for having Autism and the resulting way in which I communicate. My friends started to drift away and join in on the prejudice and shun me. This affected me and I ended up leaving the school.
My Selective Mutism started at the age of 12. This is just after I had left school. I started struggling to speak to waiters and shopkeepers. I’d try to speak but it was like something was blocking the words and they’d get stuck in my throat. I’d become breathless and the words wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t force them out, they just didn’t come.
One instance that stands out is when a family friend was working in a café and we went for a drink when he was on shift. I have always been able to speak to him with no issues at all. I said hello on the way in but, when it came to ordering a drink, I tried to say what I wanted and nothing came out. I couldn’t say a word. I was stuck. Leaving, I could speak to him as usual. It felt very strange and it was also fairly worrying.
Over the next two years, the SM carried on developing and became more severe. By this time I was 14 years old and I couldn’t speak to anybody that wasn’t in my immediate family. Extended family are included in those I had lost the ability to communicate with verbally. When I was out of the house and surrounded by unfamiliar people, I couldn’t speak to even my Mum. That was an interesting time for me because I had no idea how long it would be before I would feel ‘normal’ and be able to talk like I used to.
Then, after an increase in my anxiety mediation, my Selective Mutism briefly developed into Progressive Mutism. PM is a more extreme version of Selective Mutism, where it becomes impossible to speak to anybody at all. My voice was locked inside for over two weeks and I had no idea if it would ever come back. Without a speech and language therapist, I had lost hope and I didn’t know what to do.
A little while after the Progressive Mutism went back into SM, I started working with a speech and language therapist. We worked on many things but one thing that has been a life changer is the sliding in technique - I will do an isolated post about this. It enabled me to start talking to people I thought I’d never be able to communicate with.
Now, at the age of 18, my SM is still classed as severe. In most instances, I can’t speak to anybody I haven’t ‘slid in’ with. Some days I shut down completely and the Progressive Mutism makes a brief appearance. Sometimes, though, I make huge strides and I manage to say a word or two to somebody I have had limited contact with.
Selective Mutism can be overcome. What we need to facilitate this is patience and understanding.