For all of us, 2020 has proved possibly one of the most challenging years we as a generation will ever have to face. The media is inundated with Coronavirus news and worldly disasters. This post is not going to be one to add to that, but rather to look at the year from a different perspective. At the end of 2019, I was in a dark place. The goals I had set for 2020 were different than any other year. This is what I said back then:
"For 2020, I am going to make my new year’s resolutions more realistic. I’m not going to become a whole new person, the one that everybody aspires to be and gives up on by February. Instead, I am focusing on becoming my old self. I wish to regain the aspects of myself that I lost due to depression and anxiety. I want to regain control of who I am and what I wish to be. 2020 is my year for self-nurturing, education and improvement. Being realistic, 2020 is unlikely to go swimmingly. However, I hope I am more equipped to take it in my stride and use it as an opportunity to learn, rather than an excuse to hide from the world."
I am proud to say that I stuck by this. Excluding Covid, 2020 has been a challenging and unpredictable year. Despite this, I am in the most stable place I have been in for a while. My education is at last set on a sturdy path. I have gained a qualification in A-Level mathematics, and I am making good progress in obtaining further A-Levels in the next two academic years. My mood is levelling out and my tics are becoming more predictable and manageable. I have met some incredible people, namely my super kind boyfriend who has shown me that it is okay to put myself first when I need to.
In 2021, people that have been there for me in incredible ways throughout the years are moving onto the next chapter of their lives. Penny and Kate, thank you so much for everything you have done. I will endeavour to keep up with you where possible, but as covid is likely to remain in place for some time, I wish you good luck on your journies. I can't explain on a post just how much I admire both of you, nor how much you have changed my life for the better.
So... With that, it is time to indulge the tradition of setting new goals for the year to come. In the new year, I hope to stick up for myself more. I hope to help others more frequently where I can; be that from volunteer work, offering a helping hand in academics, or being at the end of the phone (by text of course) where needed. I hope to continue to work hard on my academics, but also learn to take non-perfect results to still be good. I do work hard, but I am only just starting to realise that. This year, I hope to give myself more credit. Finally, this year I hope to take everything for what it is, and not worry so much about things out of my control. I'm going to control my life and my life only. I missed out on my teen years through anxiety and various other conditions, so I hope to enjoy myself a little more and do things a little more care-free.
Here's to 2021. Wherever it takes us, I hope we can continue to support each other through it. Happy new year