What does Selective Mutism feel like?

The Autism side of me makes it hard to describe the emotions related to SM. If I had to choose a word, I would go with frustrating. I’m about to talk more about the physical feeling though, because that is something tricky to understand. I’ve heard stuff like ‘I know you’re selective with who you talk to’, ‘when you want to talk to me’ and ‘when you choose to talk to me I’ll be so happy’. I want to emphasise that the name of this condition doesn’t do it any favours. The ‘selective’ part of selective mutism isn’t referring to the choice not to speak to people, but rather the involuntary silence in select situations. I don’t know if you’ve ever stuck your fingers together with glue, maybe when you were younger. Or possibly tightened a tap too much making it extremely difficult to turn the other way the next time you use it. That is what it’s like to have SM. The words are there and we want to say them more than you know, but for some reason we become incapable of uttering even a sound when in a situation that is unfamiliar or anxiety provoking