2019 has not been the year I expected it to be. Like many others, it has been strenuous and complicated. It has been one of the most difficult years in my life and I must admit, I didn’t know if and how I would make it to 2020. I expected things with the old placement to go exceptionally well, but it was catastrophic. It left me with new battles to fight and new challenges to face regarding my mental health. However, in all the hell, I learned some valuable things. I learned how to be resilient. I realised that perseverance is imperative when it comes to making it through tough times. Of the 18 years I have been on this planet, this was the first year to make me reach breaking point, urging me to just hide away.
For 2020, I am going to make my new year’s resolutions more realistic. I’m not going to become a whole new person, the one that everybody aspires to be and gives up on by February. Instead, I am focusing on becoming my old self. I wish to regain the aspects of myself that I lost due to depression and anxiety. I want to re-gain control of who I am and what I wish to be. 2020 is my year for self-nurturing, education and improvement. Being realistic, 2020 is unlikely to go swimmingly. However, I hope I am more equipped to take it in my stride and use it as an opportunity to learn, rather than an excuse to hide from the world. In all the dark times, I took a break from raising awareness and helping other people. In 2020, I am finally going to start my mission for delivering training on conditions like mine.
I have had the pleasure of meeting so many people this year who have become a significant part of my life. People that have stuck by me through thick and thin. People that I know will be a part of both my near and distant future. I look forward to experiencing 2020 with you all. The good moments, and the bad. The achievements you have all made this year is admirable, and I hope I can share future ones with you, too.
To Drew, a massive congratulations on graduating with your Master’s degree. To Will, well done on the successful change of Universities and persevering despite being unwell. You’ve absolutely smashed it so far! To Brandon, a huge congratulations on making it into the special Olympics, I’m so proud! To Sara, you have come so far this year and I hope transition into your new college goes well. To Tilly, thank you for everything you’ve done for me this year – I hope the next chapter of your life is fantastic and I hope to be there to share it with you. To Penny, thank you so much for getting me through the dark times, I don’t know what I would have done without you. To Kate, thank you for being so patient and understanding when I have been unable to make it in. Thank you for providing me with a safe environment and being so caring. To Erin, thank you for picking me up every time I see you, and for showing me it’s ok to take time for myself and put myself first before I get too rundown. To Gran, thank you for looking after Grandma, who I am also extremely proud of! 101? You’re going to out-live me! To Mum and Dad, there is so much I can say, but not in one sentence. Thank you for everything, you’ve always been there for me and words can’t describe how much I appreciate it! And lastly, to everyone that reads and comments on my posts, to those that message me with your stories and ask questions when they’re unsure. You are all amazing and thank you so much for interacting with this page – it truly makes my day.
So, here’s to 2020. I’m no longer striving for perfection, but instead to be happy with who I am and what I do.
To quote one of my favourite sayings, “I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I used to be, either.”
Bring on the new year!